Notes d'Amour
by Mr. Fishy
Summary: Collection of growing oneshots between Miley and Lilly
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: ** No, no, no! I own _nothing_! I simply take what Disney provides and spin it into my own selfish desires.

(**Paper Cuts Readers: **I know, I know, don't tell me, I know.)

**Author's Note: **This is me fooling with words and ideas because I'm in a weird "oneshot" mood. So no connection is present between the chapters- just snapshots in time.

_**Inspiration: **_Everything… everything- ranging from music (Blonde Redhead, Modest Mouse, Death Cab for Cutie, Iron and Wine, Uh Huh Her, and much, much more) women, disappointment, spring morning drives, sex, arguments over the phone, and lots more.

**---///---**

**locker room moment**

I didn't know, not at first. Something inside me just- _snapped_, almost like a climax to a song, a good song. There was this great sense of clarity and I wanted to tell someone, anyone. If I had been near a city corner at the time I'm sure I would have run up to a stranger and told them, would have let the words dribble from my lips like a tumbling mess. But I wasn't in the city; I was sitting out on the deck admiring the scenery of the late afternoon sun, watching from afar as families, friends, lovers, drifted off the beach and into their cars.

I pictured her and there it was, my answer. The answer to why no one else could stick around, the reason why all my other dates fell through the cracks of my denial. I saw her hair, flowing, reminding me of a daffodil flower. I saw her lips, so perfectly pink and plump. And then her eyes, they were drawn before me in my third eye, they were so very present in my mind that I swooned at their realistic ocean blue glow.

I didn't know, not at first and it frightened me- scared me because I was lost in a heavy fog of uncertainty. I tired digging through that fog, tired peering above and under it in vain attempts to understand, to understand that I' am just the tiniest bit crooked. I'm not set in a straight line when it comes to her, I' am thrown in all directions and drawn up and down, side to side- never straight never the same as everyone else.

To be different never frightened me before, to stand outside the crowd never shook me with a ridged shock. But being near her, feeling that _heat_, that warmth of her body and that scent of her neck, I felt so very different, pushing against the current of my sheep like peers.

I wish she wouldn't stand so close to me, I wish she wouldn't look at me, because she knows not what she does- these emotions, they rock and shake inside of me and I get seasick with desire and affection. That should have been my first sign, but I ignored it all, I stayed with the herd, I moved comfortably with my blinders on. I was dead set on not letting that feeling seep into my pores. _Don't let it in_! A voice would shout. _Don't feel_! _Don't long to touch_! I drove myself past insanity, past the normal realm and skyrocketed into madness.

But that day, on the deck, I finally let it settle in, let the notion of crookedness take hold. And I held it inside, a secret, a deadly secret that was mine to keep and guard, but not forever…

---///---

She is sweaty.

It's after her soccer game. I waited around because that's what friends do, they wait and stay. She told me it would be okay to wait in the locker room; her teammates have long gone home. It is just the two of us. She scored two goals today, I'm proud of her, I boast about her whenever I can to anyone.

She is very sweaty, I can tell by the drenched look of her yellow uniform and shiny dampness on her forehead glowing in the locker room lighting. She opens her locker and throws in her cleats, they make a heavy bang and it echoes through the empty room. She unties her hair and runs a hand threw it thoughtfully.

I'm sitting down on the bench across from her, watching and licking my suddenly dry chapped lips. Here it is again, the emotion, it is creeping up out of my chest, burning brightly- so much in fact that I'm surprised she hasn't noticed.

"Miley?"

I like the way she says my name. No one can say it right anymore, not the way she does. She can make it sound like something beautiful, like a poem or a song.

"Yes?" I ask crossing my legs and keeping my clammy hands together and resting in my lap.

"I'm glad you came…" She smiles, the creases around her eyes crinkling and her lips curving up in an adorable act of thankfulness.

Blood pools into my cheeks and I shrug, "No biggie," I whisper.

"It is big, I know you hate sports and all. But it means a lot knowing you're in the crowd… watching me." She confesses closing her locker and turning to face me fully. She is holding her towel and toiletry bag, standing as if waiting for something more, waiting for me…

My dry mouth closes shut and I feel everything, nervous and anxious more then anything. She stares, ocean eyes brimming with a specific desire I do not know but in a flash it is gone, in a flash she regains her silly optimistic nature and laughs. She begins to walk away, her socked feet sliding against the cement flooring. In a rush of adrenalin I stand up suddenly.

"Lilly!" Her name on my lips feels nectar sweet.

Not saying a word, not wasting a moment of meaningless conversation that may make me back out of this decision, I take three long strides and grab hold of her hips, tightly. My lips collide harshly with hers and our teeth hit. She feels hot and the sweat on her back is slick as I run a hand up her shirt.

She smells like grass and dirt, but I've never felt more aroused in my life. I take charge, backing her up against the locker. As soon as her back hits it she drops her towel and toiletry bag. Her hands are in my hair before I know it, gripping my brown locks with a fierce clamp. I don't care about anything else. I don't care… I just… lips to lips, teeth against teeth. We fight each other. She starts to pull back I press her forward. I'm not letting her go. It's taken me so long to realize…

My face between her neck and shoulder, that space I've wanted to touch for so long is mine. I'm greedy, tongue and teeth they are used for different things now. She gasps and I decide- there is nothing better then that sound. I' am animal- hands up the front of her shirt and teasing with invisible lines across her stomach. Lips to her chin now, I let her hold my shoulders. She smells like outside, reminds me of summers deep in the forests of Tennessee.

A muffled cry of, "No," against my mouth shocks me into letting go. Lilly places a small hand to her forehead and sighs, out of breath. I stand back, my hands balled up into fists and chest rising and falling- matching her breathless rhythm.

"God," She confesses, "No, God no, I don't wanna be a Katy Perry reference." She hisses to herself. Her eyes still closed and one of her fingers running over her lips she shakes her head.

I could run, the thought teases me. I could just run and not face her. I could run to the parking lot, jump into my car and drive away. But no, leaving Lilly here, confused and mixed with feelings wouldn't be right. But standing in silence in a smelly locker room isn't getting us anywhere either.

Lilly finishes her small panic attack and watches me with her blue eyes, "Why did you do that?"

Because I wanted to, because I've always wanted to and you mean more to me then you should- mean more to me than what is best friend appropriate.

"Impulse," I say, "Just on… impulse. Lilly, I'm…"

What? What am I? Not sorry, that's what I' am- _not sorry_.

"I think you should go." Lilly states plainly staring intently at the ground.

I feel as though a pair of hands is squeezing my lungs, for a brief moment I do not move.

To go, to leave, to not look back. I turn on my heel and walk away feeling dazed.

**---///---**

Misery becomes me, a day later and I haven't done anything that involves thinking, moving, or doing. I have become a slug. Oliver called this morning; he noticed Lilly acting strangely and inquired about it- I denied having any idea what could cause Lilly to act so peculiar. Lying is easy with practice.

Now, I'm flipping channels on TV- nothing is on, of course. E! News is showing clips from the last Hannah CD signing. I sigh heavily, body falling- sagging into itself like an exhale- when I see a quick soundless shot of Lilly standing behind me as I sign a little girl's poster. Lilly is smiling there, wearing a softer wardrobe as her alter ego, punk rock lady Lola- a soft figure fitting blue dress. She looks good, very womanly and curvy- not the same girl I knew back in sixth grade, not the same at all…

My phone vibrates, breaking my thoughts; I slide it open and hit the _view_ selection.

"_Meet me at Seaview elementary playground after dark… L." _

I reply without really thinking- my heart in my mouth, my adrenalin pumping- I reply with a quick _okay_ and fall back into the couch.

**---///---**

I feel like an idiot. Both hands gripping metal chains and feet crunching mulch, I sit on a swing with my head down- alone in the dark at Lilly's old elementary school. It's around seven thirty and there's no sign of her anywhere. (Heart down- disappointment rings out truer then any other emotion).

I hear a dog bark and police siren in the distance. A sudden chill (like ice) makes me shake, tremble- for my own heartsick nature. Oh God, I'm so melodramatic.

"Miley?"

-Like a song, like a poem, she is here, saying my name and I feel a wild heat of pleasure pool into my stomach.

"Yeah?"

"I'm late, I know, I'm sorry."

I shake my head with a small smile and dry laugh, "Doesn't matter…"

She takes the swing next to me and stares at our shoes. "I feel kinda stupid," She admits thoughtfully as she begins to swing back and forth slowly.

"Why?" I ask, mimicking her- swinging back and forth.

"Because I was a jerk…"

In the dark as we swing side by side she looks angle-like, her blonde halo and white blouse proving my point. The sound of the metal chains and constant squeak of the old swing set fills me with child innocence.

"A jerk?" I question with a raised brow.

She stops swinging suddenly, plowing her feet into the brown wet mulch, she stops and turns to me, I stop swinging as well and we face each other.

"I told you to leave," She whispers.

"You were confused, I was the jerk… I k-kissed you."

Lilly turns her face to the sky, to the half moon and dim stars- she shuts her eyes and opens her mouth, as if wanting to say something but… but-

"Yes," She says after a long moment, "You kissed me."

"I like you…" I blurt out, a gust of air rushing out of my lungs.

Lilly smiles, eyes still closed.

"Okay."

Astonished, I let my mouth hang ajar. _Okay?!_

Lilly swings to my side, grabs hold of my metal chain and pulls me to her sharply- and then just lips-

Just her lips to mine.

**(end)**


	2. Chapter 2

**the dinner's doom**

I'm in the kitchen sitting up on one of the barstools, elbows resting on the granite counter island- my body slouching forward as I pour a second glass of Cabernet Sauvignon. I'm in a rather frustrated mood, not angry, or depressed, just _frustrated_. I got home early after a quick CD signing and photo shoot in downtown LA, and my energy was high and body jittery- so I concocted a plan. Lilly's been tense, for the passed four days after work she'd come home, mumble something unknowledgeable under her breath, change into her red flannel pajama pants and white t-shirt and collapse in bed. And all though the week I've been racking my brain for ideas to cheer her up.

So today, being Friday, our usual "date night" I thought it appropriate for us to instead stay in and relax. So, I requested all her favorite dishes from a respected restaurant (much thanks to my "Hannah" friends) - Bracioline Ripiene, a delicious Italian cuisine for the main course and _crème caramel, a mouthwatering French dessert to finish. I decorated the table with a fine cream colored clothe and white candles. I even went as far as putting the opera ____Carmen__ by _Georges Bizet on repeat over our grand stereo in the living room so the music would float and echo through the house (I can't stand the opera but Lilly just _adores_ the thing and besides it turns her on like you wouldn't believe).

Everything was perfect, just right, everything was set in motion- the food was beautifully arragned on the plates, the wine was poured, music on and I was standing, waitng by the back door she normally enters from.

Hours later I'm here, sitting with a scowl sipping my wine through a clenched jaw. Where the hell is she?

School lets out at three o'clock every day, and Lilly (being the wonderful English teacher she is) stays an hour after school in order to help students re-take tests or catch up on missed assingments. But it's going on six o'clock now and I'm getting worried, this over clouds my frustrated mood. This was supposed to be a romantic and sexy evening.

I get up, sluggishly move to the table and blow out each candle, deciding not to bother with the food, I plop myself back into the barstool and sigh unhappily.

The sound of a door swinging open makes me jerk up in my seat. I lean to my left and try to peer around the corner.

"I'm sorry!" I hear Lilly call from the mud room, next two thumps sound indicating that she's kicked off both her shoes now. "I'm sorry," She repeats softly appearing in front of me holding two large bags.

She drops the bags, tiredly, her shoulders slump, then she pops open the refrigerator. I can hear her rummaging through the bottom pull out drawer and then she stands back up, holding a baby carrot.

_Crunch! Crunch!_

I watch her chew the orange vegtable in silence. I twirl my wineglass 'round and 'round, watching as my drink makes a mini tornado.

"How was your day?" I ask her, not looking up. Why hasn't she noticed all my hard work?!

She just sighs.

"Did that Jack kid give you any trouble today?"

"He won't anymore."

I look at her, she's rubbing her temples and squeezing her eyes shut, "How'd your uh… uh," She starts snapping her fingers, as if it would remind her somehow, "How'd your Hannah thing go today?"

"It went." I reply dryly- my brow burrows together mimicking my impatience.

She nods her head, eyes still closed, "I think I'm going to take a bath," Lilly sighs, the wrinkles around her mouth look more defined in this lighting, the circles around her eyes seem darker now. Her whole posture and demeanor sag in an exhausted defeat.

"Hey…" I whisper, "Are you okay?"

Lilly opens her eyes slowly, with a tight frown she shrugs, "I just need a second to… to," She's lost her thought it seems.

I get up and walk over to her with caution, "Hun, what's going on?"

Lilly leans her forhead onto my shoulder, as a reflex I wrap an arm around her tightly. I feel her body shudder and warm breath tickle my neck.

"It's finally happened," She says into me, "I can't make sense of it…" Lilly pulls away from me and shakes her head as she plays with her wedding ring.

I'm scared now.

Lilly faces me with a stone expression, "I got fired today."

"W-What?" I respond breathlessly.

She swallows, "I got fired because my principal found out about us, that we're married."

I put my hands on my hips, "She can't do that! She… that _bitch_ can't do that!"

"Miley…" Lilly soothes, rubbing my shoulder, "Don't, getting angry isn't going to stop ignorance or get my job back."

"The hell it won't!" I grumble, folding my arms over my chest, "She has _no_ right to deny you a job just because you're my wife."

"…I knew it was going to happen," Lilly remarks after a moment, letting her arm fall back to her side, "I always had it in the back of my mind that one day…" She looks to the floor and takes a breath, "God, I really hate this, I mean I really, _really_ hate this. I love my students. I love my co-workers… I thought I could make a difference."

I grab Lilly's shoulders to get her to look at me, "You _can_ make a difference, we'll fight it! We'll show your principal whose boss!"

Lilly laughs weakly, "But she _is_ the boss."

I just want to take all the ache resting inside of Lilly away, I want to make everything better.

We stand, looking at our feet in the kitchen.

"Oh…" Lilly breathes out hastily, putting a hand to her chest, "Miley, you didn't…is that bracioline ripiene?"

I follow her gaze, looking to the table, "Friday is date night," I laugh softly.

I feel Lilly's arms around my waist, "You are _perfect_," She whispers into my shoulder and places soft kisses on the exposed skin.

"I'm going to take a bath," She says pulling away, "I think I need some time to process this."

"Okay," I say looking after her as she walks away, "And Lilly?" She turns around to look at me, "It'll be okay." I assure her strongly and she smiles.

I clean up the table, slowly- with a set purpose, but my mind wavers. I have a weight on my heart now. Half an hour later I'm sitting back up on the barstool with my head in my hands, the kitchen clean but Lilly still in her bath. I won't disturb her, she needs space. But I keep letting my mind wander back to my last statement- _It'll be okay_. I keep saying it to myself over and over again- but then I wonder, will it? Will everything _really_ ever be okay? I had thought the world was passed this nonsense.

**(end)**


	3. Chapter 3

_**Inspiration: **_That Saturday night- the reason for my disappearance

"_Think twice before you touch my girl/ Come around I'll let you feel the burn"_--- Think Twice by Eve 6

**the saving**

_(Saturday 9:45 pm)_

I' am settling down in bed with a good book (The Kite Runner). I find a comfortable place amongst my pillows and bed sheets of pale green. I feel better then yesterday and the day before. There is an eerie calmness about tonight as I sit next to the open window-

dog barks- his metal chain rattles

drinks clink together- party next door- their voices fill up space

police siren, muffled, somewhere beyond the trees

ocean wave crashes down-

I turn a page of the novel; I let Khaled Hosseini's words fill my mind tonight instead of past words spoken.

"_Miley, I have… have feelings for you."_

"_What?"_

"_What I mean is… I care for you, very much, but different from friendship." _

"_Lilly, I don't know what to say."_

I massage the back of my neck as I lay the book down on my knee. I want to forget- that's all. I want to fall asleep tonight and wake in the morning light and not remember everything I said and she said. I don't want to remember the look on her face, or the feeling of my heart dropping deeper and deeper down… down… down… because she didn't respond.

I should have been stronger, not so easily broken under the pressure of loving her. I should have never opened my mouth, never let those words slither from my lips. I'm a complete idiot- to believe that someone like her could _ever_ feel something slightly akin to romance towards someone like me.

She's everything- an air of elegance and purpose finds her when she moves, rick talent hides in the husky slur of her singing voice- And me, there is nothing worth even a glimpse of mentioning.

_(10:06 pm)_

I mark my page, close the book, and shut off my lamp light all in a slow easy manner. I punch my pillow a few times, morphing it to my liking then fall onto my side and kick off the covers, it's so hot tonight. As I lay, eyes open, I feel the sweat- slick and warm- forming along my bent knees and around the back of my neck.

I just need to sleep, sleep and forget, sleep and not think…. not think… about her.

_(11:23 pm)_

-…Something is buzzing or is it humming? No, no it's defiantly buzzing… what the hell? God, I'm so groggy… I shift my weight from one elbow to the other as I sit up and lean left to my nightstand where my phone is buzzing (or humming) and lighting up.

Not opening my eyes, and scratching my neck- "What?" I snap tiredly, voice cracking from lack of sleep.

"L-Lilly?"

"Humpf?"

"Lilly, can you please pick me up?"

"Who?" I open my eyes and lean forward in bed, sitting up properly.

"Miley, it's Miley…"

Eyes open, perfectly, air trapped inside my lungs, ribcage closing- closing-

"I-I-"

"Lilly, please come get me, I'm at the gas station on North Broad Street, _hurry_." Her voice, fragil and strained.

"I'm coming, don't- don't worry, I promise I'll be there!" I say hastily, already jumping out of bed and closing my phone at once.

Stumbling, I pull on some jeans and slip a shirt over my tank top- heart hammering in my chest. Frantically, I grab my car keys and wallet and quickly jog down the stairs- thanking my lucky stars for a heavy sleeper as a mother.

_(11:4__4 pm)_

My eyes glued to the road, throat dry and closing in, I can't even begin to calm my nerves- they are jerking and lurching in all directions. My protective side is flaring, I'm gripping the steering wheel with a new found force-

_Miley_

I see her standing outside the gas station, neon red lights flicking _OPEN 24/7_ flash over her face. I pull up to the last gas pump and she walks, carefully, over to me- delicate steps.

I unlock the passenger side door and she slides in, buckles her seat and stares ahead. I wait, engine running, the clock's green numbers illuminating the dark interior of the car. She opens her mouth, then closes-

"Thank-you," She says after a long pause.

I sit back in my seat, "Are you going to tell me?"

Miley wrings her hands, looking down, "It's not important."

"I'm not letting you get away with that one, it's practically midnight and you're at a gas station, tell me."

She wipes her face with both hands, sniffs loudly and turns to look out her side window, "I was on a- on a date…"

My heart feels heavy, "Oh, okay," I manage to say through a tight mouth, "And?"

One of the lights from the gas station flickers to life and I see Miley more clearly, make-up ruined and running down the sides of her face like two long black smudges but that doesn't hide the red mark I find on her cheek.

My jaw tightens, "What _happened_?"

She sucks in a breath, "Can you just take me home."

Her pleading voice makes me shudder, a fear drapes over my hunched shoulders. I put the car in reverse and pull out of the gas station without a word.

_(1l:48 pm)_

I'm driving past the ocean, street lights lining the sidewalk pool their dim rays into the car windows- flashing, moving at the speed of my racing heart.

"It was Jake." She says suddenly, it almost scares me.

"Ryan? You mean Jake Ryan?"

She nods and I nod back but slower, keeping my eyes to the road. _Jake Ryan_, I know him- not personally, but he's in a few of my AP classes and he's the co-founder of the Christian Athletes Fellowship club- not my cup of tea but the school loves that boy, but then again he's a football player so who wouldn't, right?

She swallows hard, "Umm… he took me out to that resturant your mom likes? The fancy one in the square?" I shake my head yes in understanding and she continues, "It was really nice, he was nice… and then we got into his car."

I feel myself start to tense up, my stomach clenches together- growing tighter and _tighter_.

Miley breathes out of her nose, "We got into his car and… he said he just wanted to take a drive… just a drive, I didn't see the h-harm."

I'm sweating, my forehead drenched but I keep a cool exterior.

"But then he pulled into some meadow, I don't even know where it was, it was so dark and hot and I said I wanted to go home," She's talking so fast, all her words jumbled and falling out of her mouth- as if trying to force the memory away, "I told him we should leave, but he just wouldn't listen, he leaned in and I pushed away, I told him I didn't want to! And he got… he got _so_ angry. I just didn't want to kiss him, Lilly, that's all, and he got so mad…"

"He hit you?" I ask after a moment

I see her nod out of the corner of my eye and I fasten my hands so tightly to the steering wheel that my knuckles loose color, they are white. I grind my teeth together- I feel a hot rage boil inside of me.

"So… he _hit_ you and _dumped_ you at that station, right?" I ask with edge in my voice.

"Yes." Miley answers simply resting her head against the passenger window, "I just want to be home now."

I' am going to kill him.

"Don't worry, Miley I'll get you home."

_(__Sunday 12: 55 am)_

I have successfully gotten her to take a shower and fall asleep in her bed, she was robotic the whole time, just listening to me, doing as she was told, not talking. I'm sitting up in her bed as she sleeps now, I rub my hand soothingly over her back as she drifts far from me- somewhere in a dream.

I check the clock, then carefully get out of her bed, my temper is still blazing.

As I walk away I take a last look from her doorway, I see Miley's body huddled together in a 'C' shape, face pressed into her pillow.

I' am going to kill him.

_(Sunday 1: 23 am)_

I know where he lives. That's not hard, I've been there once before, it was freshmen year for a party- I can't remember what the party was about, only that Oliver made me go and I had a boring time watching my peers tease and throw each other into the swimming pool.

It's a large house, beautiful and white with a red door and wrap around porch. The outside light hanging against the house is on and I can see two large figures stadning on the porch. I park my car across the street and cut the engine, my heart feeling like it's going to burst through my chest.

With sweaty palms I pop open my driver's side door and get out. The summer morning air feels cold on my hot face as I walk to the house, hands balled into fists and chest heaving with rage. The grass is wet under my sneakers, I walk with confidence, I walk quickly.

As I get closer I can hear the two figures talking as they sit on top of the porch railing, their backs to me-

"Yeah, I know what you mean bro, she's a fucking tease."

"Probably a lesbian, you know her friend, Lilly, she's a dyke."

"No way, man!"

"Way!"

I stop, just behind them, breathing heavily, "Jake," I say calmly.

The two bodies turn to me, one is a smug looking Jake Ryan and the other is Eddie Turner, the quaterback.

"Lilly!" Jake smiles walking down the porch staires, all fake enthusiasm and kindness, he holds out his arms- as if to hug me.

Without much thought, without anything- just red hot rage burning like fire inside me I swing my arm back and let my hard fist connect to his pretty boy face.

_THUD!_- It's such a beautiful sound, musical even… so beautiful…

"What the fuck?!" Shouts Eddie, jumping from the porch and running to Jake who is on his knees holding his face.

My breath is ragged, I enhale and point my index finger to Jake, "If you _ever_ look at her, talk to her, or come near her again I will do worse, and I will make you pay, you got that?"

Nothing, he just holds his face.

"I said, _DO YOU UNDERSTAND_?!" My voice erupts from my mouth and rings out into the early morning- it feels powerful- echoing through the street.

Jake nods dumbly, Eddie just stares mouth open wide, I turn on my heel and walk away.

_(Monday__ 9:30 am)_

"Yeah, like, can you, like, believe it?! He got punched in the face!"

"By who?"

"Who knows, Jake won't say, but, like oh my God, he's got a freakin' black eye!"

The hallways of school are swarming with gossip, I'm sitting on a wooden table outside and still hear it buzz around me like annoying insects I want to swat at. Instead I rest my tired head on my folded arms and sigh angrily.

Miley is nowhere and Oliver is sick today. I'm using my study hall as a relaxing nap time. I just need to loosen my muscles and mellow out.

The warm wind on the back of my neck feels heavenly- I could almost fall asleep…

Something on my back makes me jerk forward and sit up- "Sorry," Miley says pulling away and sitting next to me.

We haven't talked since late Saturday evening and before that night we haven't spoken in two weeks after my love confession.

"I have been hearing interesting stories lately about Jake's black eye, you know anything about that?"

I shake my head, "No idea."

She smiles, "I thought so," And then the smile is replaced by a frown, "That was stupid and reckless, Lilly, you could have gotten hurt."

"He hurt you." I reply plainly- a simple statement, the only reasoning I need to punch him again- I actually feel like it after all the attention he's been getting over that stupid black eye, so many girls just throwing themselves at him, begging for details or asking him if he needs anything. Bastard.

"Not the point, _you_ could have gotten hurt, and I couldn't live with myself knowing it was because of me." Miley says staring at her hands.

"You are my friend and I was protecting you, guys like Jake deserve worse then a black eye, I should have pounded his face into the dirt."

"No," Miley answers firmly, "Two wrongs don't equal a right."

I shake my head angrily, "Stop it, okay? Just stop it! Jake Ryan is a piece of _shit_, what he did is disgusting! And he needed to pay," I flinch, looking down to realize that I've dug my nails deep into my palms and now the sting of sweat seeping into those open wounds burns me.

"Lilly, no, stop," Miley soothes, taking my hands, unclenching them and holding them in her warm soft ones, "There," She says, running her fingertips over my bleeding palms, "There."

Somewhere a late bell is ringing. Somewhere students are shuffling out of class and moving on, still gossiping I'm sure about Jake Ryan's stupid face- but I don't care- the only knowledge I have is the simple and perfect feeling of Miley holding my hands.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: **Not that I don't love the fact that Lilly and Oliver are together- they're great, it's just that this idea came to me as soon as I saw that particular episode. This is a silly melodramatic snippet, enjoy.

…**///…**

**eating cake**

**Miley: **It's not my fault. This is all Lilly's doing, yes, if she would just… just _not_ look at me that way, not say those things- I feel like I'm drowning, water filling my lungs and all air has escaped me- I try to breathe, try to fill myself with this early spring air but nothing, just the water, just the breathless heave of one's last breath- I'm sure that I' am dying.

Everything about her arouses me, makes the airs on the back of my neck- stand to her attention. _Jesus_.

I feel like such a fool, sitting in my chair trying to pay attention- but it's hard, so hard to ignore that dampness forming between my legs as I cross and uncross them over and over again.

Mr. Vanders is rambling on and on about something in French that I cannot understand and it's not easy having to listen to Lilly repeat whatever he's saying in that foreign tongue- god what I wouldn't give for her to straddle me, press me into my bed and whisper naughty French words into my ear- _Ooh_… oh stop it! I curse myself, clenching my hands together, digging my nails into my sweaty palms. Stop it! _Stop it!_ I lick my lips, class ends in three minutes- I just need to hold out a little... a little longer. I can make it. I breathe in through my nose and let it go through my mouth.

Easy, easy does it…

The bell rings and I practically lunge out of my seat, scramble around picking up my books and bag and then I look to Lilly- she's casually picking up her things, slowly gathering her papers and I'm dying, inside I'm just drooling.

I stand behind her as she nears the classroom door, I touch her elbow, "Bathroom," I whisper huskily into her ear.

Lilly looks up to me with her smoky navy eyes and smiles, coyly, "Okay," She says simply, and she follows me to the girl's restroom on the second floor of the school that no one uses…

The brown wooden door shuts behind me and I waste no time- to devour, to touch and explore, that would be a soaring victory in concerns to my delirious lustful heart.

**Lilly: **"Does he love you the way I do?"

So elegant, the way she says it, mouth burning against my ear- husky breathing- my knees feel weak. I feel my whole body gravitate towards her and my thighs tremble. No, he doesn't, no- nothing like she does, not even close, it cannot be compared.

She runs her hands roughly down my arms, then fastens them onto my hips- gripping me, as if to say without words, as if by a whisper, _mine_… And I allow it, because she does that to me.

We are kissing fiercely against a bathroom stall, my lungs burn with the need for air, but Miley refuses to release me- her dominating personality hovers and controls the situation… holding… holding… my mouth- open for her pleasure, my breath- gone as she touches my breast… holding… holding air… holding… tears pierce my eyes and I shove her back, away from my pounding insides and heaving chest.

I place a cool hand to my hot face- the temperature difference makes me dizzy, "That was…" I begin, then break off gulping in air.

Miley shakes her head, "This is too much, sometimes I get so… unbearably hot and frustrated and you…with him, it's makes me crazy."

I knew it would come to this. (You can't have your cake and eat it too.)

"Oliver…" I say softly, his name out loud- echoing through this small enclosed space makes me feel dirty, grime grates against my sweating pores.

Miley flinches and turns her back to me, she exhales and her shoulders slump. I feel so torn- my body is split directly in the middle, each piece gravitating to another, and my heart is in my mouth and I chew on it- unsure who to make myself whole for.

**Miley: **I' am facing the white tile wall, I feel Lilly's body heat and it scorches my skin (hotter than the sun- like fires of hell on my back). How can I make her see that I'm here, I'm hers and she should be mine?

Turning swiftly on my heel I grab Lilly's shoulders and force her to look me in the eyes, "I want all of you, all the time- not sometimes, not every so often- everything, all, I want every piece of you…I don't want you with him anymore, I can't… I just can't…" I break off, my grip on her loosens and I back away. I've said my part, and now to wait. She shifts her weight from one foot to the other, chewing on her lower lip all the while.

"Oliver is… he's my best-"

I cut her short with a wave of my hand, pushing past her and opening the bathroom door, walking out, away- I can't listen to her excuses, her lame reasons for staying with him- a man who cannot give her all that I can- Love, Wealth, Adventure.

"Wait! Miley, stop!"

I keep going, walking with a great weight on my back, crushing me.

"I said _stop_!"

I feel her hand jerk my elbow, pulling us together, colliding in the empty hall of forgotten papers and sealed lockers.

With my height I stare her down, eyes blazing, but she is stubborn and glares right back.

"You are being unreasonable," She declares boldly.

"How so?"

She scratches the corner of her mouth, thinking, "Oliver was first, he wanted me first, and you got jealous! Face it, this wouldn't work without the secret bathroom make-outs, or sneaking behind everyone's backs- you like the chase, the fun of danger."

"You are being ridiculous!" I snarl, "Yes, Oliver caught your eye before I did, but that in no way can that measure how I _feel_ for you."

Lilly rolls her eyes, "How do you feel?"

"I told you…"

"No!" She holds up her index finger to me, "You told me you wanted me physically, that you _liked_ being with me, but I need more then that!"

I feel like ripping out my hair, "Fine! _Fine_, is that what you need to hear? I love you! I love you! Be with _me_! … And love me back…"

The bell rings, signifying the end of class.

Students rush between and around us like water- flowing, crashing against us, the rocks, against us, the current.

"Lilly! Miley! Hey guys!"

My heart grows cold.

Oliver jogs over, his dumb shaggy hair bouncing around his eyes as he throws a protective arm around Lilly, pulling her to his side. He kisses her flushed cheek and whispers a loving, private hello (almost like it's a secret, he whispers it into her ear, into her blonde hair that I, minutes prior sank my nails into, clawing aggressively- earning a deep moan from Lilly's parted lips).

I feel betrayed. A stab to my chest, a knife in my beating heart!

Desire leaves, filtering out like cold crashing wind.

My eyes plead with hers, my lips puckered at the ready with her name on them. But Lilly says nothing, smiles up at Oliver and snuggles deep into his shoulder.

Love is meaningless.

I walk away.

**Lilly: **Miley is nonexistent. She has left me- physically and emotionally. She refuses to see me. And I feel the sting of mistake slap each of my cheeks. Like a child, I shuffle my feet from place to place- my purple converse walking with a mind of their own, walking across the worn wooden boardwalks and gray cracked sidewalks, head down (of course- the sun will not see me today, I'm unworthy). I have chosen- I've eaten the cake.


End file.
